Fake it until you make it

Rumble in Woolies

2008-04-16T21:18:00.002+01:00

Can I get a witness?!?

Say what you see.

Awesome pussycat

2008-02-20T22:14:00.006Z

I'm going on a bear hunt.

2007-10-22T15:08:00.000+01:00

I'm taking a break from here and advertising as a whole. May come back in the New Year, but I've got to get my shit together so I'm signing off.

Wishing you all the best. Have fun out there

x

Chinese Cheese Army

2007-10-01T20:48:00.001+01:00

"...at the V & A and I thought 'I bet you're going to go and see the army...the Chinese Ricotta Army...are you going to go and see the Ricotta Army?'..."

- My Mum, on top form this evening. Bless.

SOS. Those really hard decisions you don't want to make.

2007-09-28T11:21:00.000+01:00

I’m temping for some property firm and I’ve worked my way around three departments and I’ve just been offered a permanent job – at really good money. I really don’t know what to do. I just want to say ‘no, no, no’ and run screaming from the building. I have until Monday to decide.

Here’s my pros and cons list:

PROS
1-10. I get to move out my house. This counts for 10 pros.

11. I’m not worrying about money, I can pay the bills.

12. I know what I’m doing for the next 6 months/year.

13. I get sick pay and holiday pay. I could actually afford to be sick. Instead of dragging myself into work like I’m doing right now and infecting everyone else.

14. I’m good at what I do, in fact I’m great, so I can handle the work.

15. No more moving around. I feel like ‘The Littlest Hobo’

16. I’m professional enough to do a great job no matter how much I think it all sucks. So I might as well do it for good money.

17. I can buy stuff.

CONS

1. I’m stuck in a job I can’t stand.

2. I’m stuck in admin again – it does my head in.

3. I don’t get to be creative. Unless it’s with filing… It will drive me crazy.

4. The Manager is micro manager. Everything is a catastrophe to her. We’re not saving lives here.

5. It’s going to be boring.

6. What if I never make it out of here? What if get sucked in.

7. I don’t know how to do corporate. I couldn’t give a damn about HR.

8. I’ll have to wear a suit and really boring work clothes. Argh.

9. I really don’t want wake up depressed in the morning before work again because I feel like everything joyful and interesting about life gets sucked out my head as soon as I walk into the office.

10. Office politics. I know it’s everywhere, but when you’re in an office where no-one really wants to do the job they do it seems to be worse.

I haven’t had much to do with advertising for the summer – had bills to pay. My D&AD stuff was dire because my heart wasn’t really in it. But last week I started working out what I needed to do.

Either way, it’s time to make a decision. Personal stuff means I can’t have it hanging like this anymore. I’ve been dreading this moment. Argh! Bloody hate decisions like this. I know there’s no point asking ‘What would you do? Cos it’s my life, but seriously, what would you do? On paper it’s a no-brainer take the damn job and accept that's where I am in my life right now. In my head I can hear alarm bells ringing and see jail doors closing, and boots marching and that bit in ‘Heroes’ where the cheerleader’s dad goes ‘Take everything’ keeps flickering through my mind…all in a 'Citizen Kane' mish mash.

Mobile Post Office.

2007-09-26T14:10:00.000+01:00

What if the Post Office started a delivery service? I have to go to the Post Office in the morning and I'm not looking forward to the queues, so I had a grumble in my head and this is what I came up with.

A man in a van could turn up at your office, or the end of your street and do all the things you'd go to the PO for - letters and parcels, paying in etc. Not too sure about taking money out, maybe you'd have to order your money the day before and turn up with your passport and stuff to collect it. I reckon it would save time, and perhaps people would use the Post Office more - and you wouldn't have to spend a whole lunch break on one simple transaction.

Dual Diagnosis

2007-09-26T11:33:00.000+01:00

I've decided to make things even more confusing by starting another blog.

I temp, and I have far too much to say about that to be typing on here, so I'm trying to separate out the chaos. Let's see how that goes.

I don't know how I'm going to manage all of this, we'll have to see, but hey, now I have two places to rant instead of one!

What do you stand for?

2007-09-25T16:18:00.000+01:00

Superman stood for 'Truth, justice and the American way'. Pretty cool if that's your thing and it must be nice to have a reason to get up in the morning other than just for keeping your debtors at bay.

I have no idea what I stand for, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading 1,000 mottos for the UK. Since Henry V we've had 'Dieu et mon droit' (For God and my right), but does it really reflect the UK in this day and age? I doubt it. My personal favourites are:

1. Insufficient funds

2. Will the last person out please turn off the light?

3. Chicks, Chavs and Chips

4. Born Free, Taxed to Death

5. Whatever

6. Smile! You're on CCTV

7. It Could Be Worse

8. Out of Order

9. Great Britain: You *might* Not Get Stabbed

10. Great Britain: There's Nowt so Queer as Folk

11. Lead From the Rear

12. From Whining, Truth

13. Working Towards Doing Some Work

14. We came, we saw, we conquered, then we gave it back. Frightfully sorry.

I'm going to have a think and see what I can come up with, but right now I'm inclined to go with 'I Can't be Arsed' or, 'One Can't be Arsed' if you want to be posh about it. Though I think that reflects my state of mind, not the country's.

What do you reckon? How best would you sum up the UK as a motto or a strap?

Rant long overdue

2007-05-29T15:26:00.000+01:00

I'm knackered, I'm not well, and I'm just counting down the minutes and the seconds until I go home. Really don't want to be here.

Have decided to get out of this shitty temp job. Hand in my notice tomorrow and tell them I'll be done on Friday. If I spend more than the rest of the week here I'm going to crack up. I need the money, can't afford not to be working, but I can't stay here anymore, it's driving me insane. Beyond a joke.

As much as I hate it, I'm going to have to look for a permanent secretarial job. Can't do with this temping lark anymore. Even though it's not the work I want to do, it's all I can do at the moment. Who knows, maybe someday I'll have a job I don't hate with a vengeance every day.

Nope, still don't feel better, still pissed off. Need a fag. And a taxi home.

A Big, Bad "I said NO!"

2007-05-29T14:53:00.000+01:00

1. Orange - great advert, except for the VO. Annoying. Get a grown up.

2. Kids whispering things in adverts - Seems Muller have learned their lesson. It's creepy.

3. Cif and Veet. I still refuse to buy. Wanky names.

4. Bold = Blah. Please get rid of stupid shirt-dress woman scenario. It's beginning to hurt.

5. Oil of Olay - Yer woman looks like a corpse before you put the mask on her.

Can you tell I'm in a bad mood today? Besides, it's far easier to criticise than it is to commend.

Stupid or wily?

2007-05-21T17:21:00.000+01:00

Mars - An idiot at work, or a cunning play for publicity as a veggie-friendly chocolate bar? Hmm...

Snap!

2007-05-21T11:41:00.000+01:00

I saw the new Weetabix Oatiflakes advert yesterday and found myself frowning at the TV trying to remember where I'd seen it before, only I knew that I hadn't. And then it came to me, it wasn't the advert, it was the idea - fireworks, that I'd seen in the Persil Strong and Mighty adverts. So what happened there then? I suppose it's not as bad as Chimp's find, but even still, the Weetabix one feels more like a 'Pffft' of a wet banger than a 'Kaboom!' of a rocket.

Big Smile

2007-05-18T12:11:00.000+01:00

Was feeling really shitty yesterday, sat watching TV, thinking about putting washing on and thinking about doing stuff but not doing anything. Was in a bit of a bad mood and then I saw the new Skoda Fabia advert - where they make a replica of the car - down to the tiniest detail, from sugar - cake, licorice, syrup all kinds of good stuff. The track was Sound of Music's "Favourite things" and it made me smile. Then I caught it again, and it still made me smile. Great advert.

Do you reckon they ate some of it at the end?

Are you really sleeping or are you on pause?

2007-05-18T10:45:00.001+01:00

A few months ago, a friend was telling me how processors and chips are so advanced, that they double in speed every 18 months (something like that), and at that rate, who knows what the impact of technology on life will be in just 10 years time, and not in a dodgy 'Tomorrow's World' way either. We talked about the possibility of a computer having the capacity to run the Matrix - like the film - to run the world. Along with this, a few weeks ago I caught a bit of a programme on TV that was talking about how in 50 year's time they were going to be able to make robots that, due to their programming, would be more human than metal, more like us than like Robocop, and whether or not the robots would be entitled to the same rights as human beings - to vote, social housing, robot rights, NHS (not sure how antibiotics would fit in here). Mind boggling stuff.

This is the bit where it gets confusing but the bit I've been thinking about the most, if computers would be able to run something so complex - run a world, then who's to say that this, life as we know it right now, isn't one big computer game, 50 years on? Like Sid Meier's 'Civilization' but bigger,a mammoth, painstakingly intricate version of 'The Sims'. A universe of 'Jim'll Fix It - depending on how he or she feels'. That would be pretty cool huh? Computer games are like life, modelled after what we do, 'Mario' for example, teams up with family and friends to avoid the baddies and rescue people. Sometimes you feel big, but then you get deflated, sometimes there's shitloads of rewards, sometimes nothing, one day you're king of the world, the next back at the beginning banging you head against brick walls and disappearing down flowerpots again.

But it's also weird to think about, in a "What if I'm not thinking what I'm thinking?" way. Like that feeling you get when you look in the mirror and for a few seconds, you can't make sense of yourself and where you are or what you are.

So, just in case this happens to be the way things are - I doubt it but it's cool to think about - this is a cry for help: will someone please help the person who is playing with my world? They need to learn a few cheats - money, home, overcoming tiredness because next door's kid is teething, that sort of thing. I don't quite think they've gotten the hang of the game yet. Thanks :)

You write crap!

2007-05-18T10:43:00.002+01:00

I don't know why, but I think that one of these days someone is going to leave me a comment on my blog saying 'You talk a lot of rubbish'. It doesn't keep me awake, I don't lose sleep over it, it's just my insecurity around putting what's in my head out there for people to see. The only answer you can give a comment like that would be 'Don't bloody read it then!'. Simple enough. Which brings me to the question of why blog?

Since I'm trying (albeit not very hard at the mo) to get into advertising, I decided on an ad blog. Now, I didn't go for ad critiquing or commentary because there are leagues of wonderful blogs that do that far better than I can - see my links and other people's. So what's the point of me making one that is a pale shade in comparison?

I love reading blogs too - sometimes there's so much info though, way too much to take in. So I read in fits and spurts, and I really admire people who love what they write about and love writing about it.

I write what I enjoy, if I didn't enjoy blogging, I wouldn't do it. I say this because I spoke to someone the other day who feels like blogging is a chore. Why make it be something you loathe to do? What's the point? Unless whether you live or die depends on your posting - and I doubt many can say that it does, if you're not enjoying it, don't do it.

Time spent blogging - I'm a bus blogger, nothing for a long time and then three posts at once. I don't have the energy or the thoughts for every day, and if I was writing daily, it would be more along the lines of "I'm bored." Or, "Just saying hello." Not really much point tapping that out all the time.

Anyhoo, must get back to work, I have to save the building from faulty blinds...

This just in...

2007-05-18T10:43:00.001+01:00

Breaking news from the advert you are currently watching, and it's so important that we have to scroll it across the screen so fast that you can't even read it and by the time the next ad starts you have a headache. This is the effect of the Transitions lenses advert on me. "We interrupt this interruption..." Bleh.

Which part of the screen do you want me to pay attention to? On news channels when the breaking news that scrolls across the bottom of the screen is exactly what the newsreader is talking about at that moment really bugs me.

I don't know if it's a side effect of living at the pace we do today, but when I watch the news, with all the graphics, presenter, and then breaking news scrolling across the bottom, it's all a bit too much. If you're in that much of a hurry, surely you just head to teletext to find what you want? And the worst offender is Sky News channel - breaking news, that just, well, isn't all that breaking at all.

So I've come to a decision, unless a news broadcast has actually interrupted a programme I'm watching (and isn't one of those silly E! news things that ITV do in the middle of films), I'm only going to focus on the presenters. Let's face it, if they have to interrupt Eastenders, it really must be big news. And unless there is something specific that I want to hear more information about, I'm only reading teletext. Cut out the middle-man and all that and save myself the headache.

Gon' party like it's your birthday

2007-04-25T14:33:00.000+01:00

It's my birthday today. I'm 28.
So far it's just a normal day at work. Couldn't be arsed to do anything to celebrate.

Got a present from an ex yesterday. Two mp3 players with about 350 songs on them. Music is his first love, so it wasn't exactly a chore for him to do it. They're full of his favourite songs. I did read that bit of the explanation and think "hmm...will probably be deleting lots then..." but our tastes are fairly similar so it's cool, I've promised to listen to each track at least once before I delete it.

Music is so personal - it's something that you can often get wrong, but with 350 songs to choose from, you can't really mess up can you? Something is bound to hit the spot.

Not keen on buying presents for people - never feel like I get it right, but somehow in this day and age, despite the world having gotten faster and more impatient, sticking a tenner in a crap card from Clinton's is frowned upon. Presents have to be perfect, or at least come with a receipt so you can trade it in. You have to put a lot of thought into what you get people. Or maybe it's because I've gotten older and people expect more than a handful of sticky sweets or a cake with a slice missing.

Anyway, I've still got my Dad's present to go. God knows what that will be, find out when I get home. I'd prefer it if he just gave me money, but hey, it's the thought that counts...even if it is a £60 handbag that is soooo not me (it actually looks like a handbag) and that I would never use (last year's present).

My mum will give me pretty much what she gives me every year. All my old teddy bears back in a gift bag and most probably a set of towels. Everyone needs more towels. As for the bears? I don't know... I'm not a bears-all-over-my-room person. If anything, I find them all a little bit creepy. So I just stick them back on the rocking chair in the front room where they'll stay till next year.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to me and to any other wonderful person who was born today, or this month, though this doesn't include Hitler or Saddam Hussein.

Not quite 20 questions.

2007-04-19T16:31:00.001+01:00

Ok, so here are the things I'm pondering at the moment while I work:

1. Is it possible to tell someone's age from their urine?

2. Blood types don't change right? If you gave someone a total transfusion of a different blood time (say from B to O, I think you can do that) equal to the amount of blood we have in our bodies, would you then change that person's blood type forever?

3. If a real lion saw a statue of a lion what would happen? Would he just walk by? Try to get into a fight with it " What the =@*% you lookin' at? Ay? AY??!"?, would he think " Damn, I look good, and big..." or would he sit in front of it a la celebs and their madame Tussaud's Waxworks and let you take pictures?

4. If you swallowed a banana whole - in its skin - would it come out relatively whole the other end? I'm so not trying this...

I saw it, I swear I did

2007-04-19T16:30:00.000+01:00

I was on a fag break earlier, looking up at the trees and I was convinced I could see a dead cat clinging to a branch. It took me a couple of minutes to work out that it was just the way the tree had grown. This is something that I do all the time and I have to look twice to make sure that I've seen what I've seen, or to figure out what I've seen, if that makes sense.

When I was about 7/8 years old I was convinced that, looking out of the hallway window there was a duck sitting on the pavement corner. Every night for several nights I'd have a look and there was this duck. One night my mum sent my older brother outside to have a look. No duck to be found. Everyone had a laugh but I was totally confused - I'd seen a duck.

I accept now, that it was a trick of the light (5%) + my imagination (95%), and I've never seen the duck since. I can't even imagine how I saw it, but this having to look twice is something that I still have to do a lot. It's fun though, have seen some really bizarre things, like a man I thought was pregnant because of the curve of his coat, and the curve of the arm of the person standing next to him.

I guess it's weird, but it's fun.

The quickest way to hell

2007-04-17T10:46:00.000+01:00

My worst nightmare, involves people shouting, panic, fear, not being able to stop, chafing, lengths of hell and allegedly feeling good at the end of it. A marathon. Urgh.

I can't stand long-distance running, I see people jogging and I want to hang on to their pants "Stop, please stop, I won't let go until you stop", or take them firmly by the arm and wrestle them to the ground. If they were running and smiling it might be ok, but it's that tortured look of "must keep going by any means necessary" that I can't bear.

I've always been a sprinter, not a runner. I'd rather run like my arse is on fire for 5 minutes, than jog for 15. The thought of running for hours on end freaks me out. Once, at school, an evil PE teacher made us run the first 400m of the 1500m before making us start over because she forgot to start her stopwatch. Like I cared about the time, I already knew I was going to come last. 1900m of hell.

I live in fear that someday, someone is going to ask me to run a marathon and I'm not going to be able to say no. I'll find myself in that big crowd of people at the start, hyperventilating, wide-eyed, heart racing and feeling sick beyond belief. At the end I'd need a shot of sedative because I just wouldn't be able to stop running.

To all who are running this Sunday, I admire you. I won't be watching, but thank you for doing it so I don't have to. Enjoy.

And now I have Chris Rea running around in my head.

Bagel Bother

2007-04-09T21:08:00.000+01:00

I've seen the New York Bagel Factory ad far too many times this Easter weekend and it gets on my nerves - the one with the pink piggy backpack and the person wearing it at the end turns out to be a woman and not the kid you assumed.

It's not the whole ad that gets on my nerves, just the bit where the 'hand of God' puts the bagel into the backpack, because the bagel isn't in a bag, or a box or anything, it's naked, which winds me up - as if you'd just put a naked sandwich into your bag, it would fall apart! I assumed this was for the benefit of the advert - product placement and all that, but when I moaned about this to a friend last night he pointed out that as he takes his lunch to work regularly, he keeps a tupperware box in his bag that he doesn't always take out when he needs to restock - he just opens it and stuffs the food into it. So to him this advert makes sense. But still, wouldn't you wrap it in cling film first?

I think the New York Bagel Factory should do limited edition bagel-carrying boxes. Little compact tupperware boxes that are perfectly sized for putting bagel sandwiches in. Give them away free with every purchase. Could even do limited edition ones with patterns on them. That way your bagel sandwich stays intact, there's no messing around with cling film and I can sleep easy at night for I won't have to worry about bagel sandwiches on the loose in peoples' bags.

Defender of the Universe

2007-04-09T20:55:00.000+01:00

Or just my Mother's TV viewing.

Since I want to work in advertising, my Mum has taken to phoning me up to complain whenever there's an ad on TV that she doesn't like. So yesterday she called just after I'd left the house, to complain about the U-Switch ones with the gospel choir. "It's agony, agony to watch!" she wailed. I told her it had nothing to do with me, but still, she holds me responsible "You have to fix it/get rid of it!". Imagine what the calls will be like if I eventually do get an ad on TV.

My question to those already at work in the industry, do your parents do the same? Do you tell them what ads you are responsible for, or do you only say something if they like one of yours and keep quiet when they don't? Or are they completely oblivious? Ever lied and said an ad was yours when it wasn't, just to impress?

The Great British Summer

2007-04-05T11:37:00.000+01:00

We're heading for that wonderful time of year again, the sun shining everyone smiling, parties, the outdoors, light evenings and exclaiming over the bliss of it still being light at half nine at night - the good stuff.

Then there's the bad stuff, sweating like a pig, being hot and irritable, moaning about the weather, not being able to sleep, the glare of sunlight on the TV/screen, staring moodily out the window at work wishing we could shake of our employment shackles and run for the hills, the burning leather of a car that has been cooking in the sun - even though you left it parked in the shade. Lots of fun stuff.

I was thinking about this a while back, trying to hang on to hope of seeing proper sunlight and feeling warmth from somewhere other than a radiator, and I was thinking that a Great British Summer (GBS) wouldn't be complete without a good moan about all the things that's wrong with living in this country and attempting to live like they do on the Med - we're just not equipped to deal with the heat.

My biggest gripe has to be with public transport. How is it that you can spend all winter freezing your arse off on the bus, but come summer all of a sudden they have the heaters on full blast (not mentioning any numbers, 344, ahem)? It doesn't make sense. Buses aren't the biggest offender though - the tube is. I was on the tube whilst thinking about the GBS and it occurred to me that the tube is a great place to advertise - especially in the summer months. Not on the walls, but on the trains. How cool would it be if instead of the whiff of someone's deodorant-free, sewer of an armpit, you could smell one of those room fragrances instead? A lot of them reek, but anything must be better than eau de sweat. You could sponsor a carriage, give out water, and deodorant, and one of those home fragrance companies could sponsor another one and provide air conditioning and a pleasant smell - I think a lot of people would be happy with that. And your audience is a lot more captive than if you're giving out samples outside the station. Has anyone done this? I'm assuming that there's some reason that this hasn't been done before.

If it were me, I'd use the tube a lot - last trains home could be sponsored by Alka Seltzer and Durex (makes sense), I'm sure people would be glad for the freebies, or, evening tubes could be sponsored by clothes retailers - you could have a fashion show on the underground, or you could do a skit for a West End play or musical - though you'd have to be pretty loud to be heard over the racket of the train.

One those lifestyle mags, or the Ideal Home Show or something could redecorate a whole carriage. It'd be pretty cool to sit on something other than decades-old piss stained carpet fabric.

And if people prefer the stinky armpit tradition or don't want to be bothered they can just get in the next carriage.

You could do the same on buses too - I've sat there while someone has stood up and said "Hi, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal saviour?" I'd much rather a free sample than a sermon.

Anyway, back to invoices...

Coming up for air

2007-02-16T16:51:00.000Z

It's been a while since I posted, in that time my Grandad died and was buried and the bills got in the way and I still don't have my computer fixed, so I haven't been on the computer much.

Temping at the mo and have had a rather quiet day, so I've been checking in on everyone and getting myself back up to date. Congrats to all who made D&AD workshops - completely forgot to even apply this time around.

Anyway, leaving it there, big boss man is coming back and I need to make it look like I'm doing some 'proper' work as he sits right behind me and can see everything...think I'll update the security passes I already updated this morning...fun...

Have a good weekend.

A
x

Coffee Not Not

2007-01-26T08:22:00.000Z

I can't make it tomorrow - famiily stuff going on. Sorry.

So it looks like it might be Chutney and Faris all by themselves, are you guys ok with that?

CreativeinLondon pointed out that Sbucks is probably going to be pretty busy on Saturday, so does anyone else know anywhere that's quiet on a Saturday/Sunday? Needs to be central. For next time.

Anyway, I'm not sure when I'll be posting next, may not be for a week or so, but maybe I (or someone else) can organise this coffee thing again for the mid/end of Feb? What do you think?

I hope this all makes sense.

Stay cool

x

Coffee

2007-01-18T22:41:00.000Z

Saturday 27th Jan @ 2pm @ Starbucks on Oxford St - the big one, downstairs.

How's that?

Coffee

2007-01-11T11:46:00.000Z

Where?
I vote the big Starbucks on Oxford St, since I know where it is and it's central. Any other suggestions?

When?
So far, consensus is Sat/Sun, so 27/28 Jan or 3/4 Feb?

I'm back with the Lawyers

2007-01-11T10:48:00.000Z

I have nothing to do and they're paying me for it, so expect lots of blogging from me.

I hope everyone had great Christmas and new year. Mine was pretty good, I got:

1. A book called 'How to get Ideas'.

2. A limited edition set of Batman Uno cards.

3. 'It's a Beautiful Life' on dvd.

These are the presents I got and really liked, I won't bore you with the rest.

The book - so so, still working my way through it.

Uno - this was a game I always wanted to play as a child but because I never learnt how to and never had my own pack, I was too shy to go and join in with the other kids who played it. It must be the only aspirational card game for kids. Imagine my surprise when I started playing it at Christmas only to realise that it was quite similar to a game I spent my teens playing (mostly in the back of geography class) call Blackjack. The mystery is no longer a mystery. It's a good game though, in the space of a week we played 24 games.

The dvd, an ex bought it for me years ago when we were going out, never gave it back to me when we split up, and my most recent ex just bought it for me for Christmas.

I got really fed up with the trash on TV, spent a lot of time whinging about it with Ross, though I did spend most of New Year's Eve watching CSI. I also watched 'Scrubs' for at least an hour every day courtesy of abc1, which also meant I had to watch the same shite adverts every day too.

And now I'm back at the Lawyers - just for one day, so that's cool.

Going to be spending most of this year temping, not doing advertising, so I don't know what's going to happen with this blog. We'll see.

Coffee anyone?

2006-12-21T21:42:00.000Z

I had dinner with two other wannabes last week and in an attempt to keep ourselves on track, make connections and generally just talk ads, the idea of having a coffee thing for junior/wannabe creatives came up and we decided to give it a go. The first one will be at the end of January - details to follow, but in the meantime, is anyone interested? Obviously, if it's just the three of us every month it's going to get a bit boring...

Borat

2006-12-21T19:17:00.000Z

I saw it last night.

I didn't expect the fight scene. Boy was that graphic. Kind of like a gay porn film gone wrong.

Fraternity boys - Only awful moment of the entire film. The rest was cringe-worthy and funny, but that bit just blew everyone in the audience away. It got really quiet. Hard to take - and pretty darn pathetic.

I'm hit! I'm hit! Again!

2006-12-21T18:31:00.000Z

Willoughby got me again so here goes:

1. I slept in my clothes last night. I didn't go to bed til about 2am by which time the central heating was off and it was freezing.

2. I used to be a baton twirling, pom-pom shaking majorette.

3. I plan on writing my autobiography when I'm 30, 60 and if I make it, 90. I need to have some fun though, otherwise 30 is going to be pretty boring.

4. For the first time since February, today, I can see the majority of the floorspace in my room. I've been decluttering. Still got a way to go, but progress not perfection - I'm getting there. I just have to not throw all the stuff off the bed onto the floor tonight and actually tidy it up. That's how it all got started in February...

5. I once blew up a microwave. I was trying to heat up an apple pie for breakfast before I went to school and I forgot to take the foil tin off the pie, stuck it in and cue great big bang and me being really early for school. I said I didn't know how it happened, and to this day my mum thinks that she left a fork in there the night before. I'm surprised she hasn't figured it out actually.

This has been fun, it's kind of like speed blog dating, getting to know people. What's been most interesting is checking out the links that people leave.

I'm hard pressed to find anyone who hasn't been tagged by now but I'm going to honour the following with a tag:

1. The girls over on Advertising's a bitch for their very detailed linkage section.

2. Estatic Gaucho because I like the name.

3. Kfad for the cheeky picture.

4. Open to Everyone for being on the outside.

5. Niazipan as he's been quiet for a while.

No tag backs! I don't want to have to get too personal.

Here endeth my tagging.

Ip, dip, dog ...

2006-12-19T22:55:00.000Z

I'm it!

Stan tagged me so I have to post five things that people out there in blogworld couldn't possibly know about me:

1. I taught myself how to snowboard when I was living in Japan. At the end of my first season, I took a sickening smack to the head (think it was my board or my elbow), and in true hardcore fashion - despite the fact that I was seeing stars and my vision was darkening around the edges, I made myself go back up the mountain and come down six times in a row without falling before I threw in the towel. This was Saturday. Monday afternoon, I had to leave school and bike to A & E to get an MRI scan. I had concussion.

2. Before I decided advertising was for me, at the tender age of four, I told a friend of mine that I wanted to be stripper when I grew up. She went and told my mum, I got a whuppin'.

3. When I was 7/8, I used to think there were men being kept prisoner way down in the depths under London town. The only water they got to wash in was the water that went down our sink - dirty or otherwise, so I used to leave the tap on for a bit so they could have a wash in clean water. I'd run some soap down there too. Some people may call that madness, I think I'll call that an overactive imagination.

4. I'm left handed but I smoke with either hand and I iron with either hand - whichever is closest to the bit I'm ironing. Efficient eh?

5. When I'm brushing my teeth, I move my head around as well as the brush. Is that weird? I probably look like a right nutter.

Bonus: If eat something from a packet, I have to open it from the beginning of the branding/wording. If I open something the wrong way up (like a packet of crisps) I'm convinced it doesn't taste as good. I don't know why. Does anyone else do this?

The people I'm tagging are:

1. Rage as he's only just started blogging.

2. Laz as we're on the same road but he's working it that bit harder than me and I need to catch up.

3. Gwen Yip I'm enjoying her job journey. It's like the story of Christmas. She finally found a bit of room at an inn.

4. Northern Planner his posts make me think and he's bald.

5. FishnChimps for use of the word boobage.

Does this mean that if I get tagged again I have to do over and come up with five new things? This could get complicated. Still, it beats having to say whether you eat broccoli stalks or not, and rolling my eyes at the people trying to be coy with the 'Chocolate or vanilla' question.

Happy tagging.

Withdrawal

2006-12-11T09:54:00.000Z

I had to pack the bare necessities when I came to Vauxhall to pet sit and I'm not proud of it, but I want to go home. Not because I miss the place (God no, can't stand it). I miss my make up.

Going out tonight with people from my Feb D&AD course - kind of like a reunion, and I don't want to wear any of the makeup that I bought with me - nevermind the fact that the eyeshadow palette has 9 shades, I WANT MORE! I don't expect anyone to understand, but I'm feeling makeup deprived. It's a cruel world.

What makes a good Christmas party?

2006-12-08T20:30:00.000Z

1. No enforced games or wearing of party hats

2. A good old pub quiz - if you want to play

3. A great big juicy scandal. Preferably something that will run well into the New Year to take your mind off your lack of money

4. Some 'kerazy' idiot trying to make everyone have a good time - you have to have one so you can rebel

5. Alcohol other than beer or wine. I don't do either - spirits and cider please!!

6. Nice clean toilets - in case you need to take your heels off and put your feet up for a bit

7. No where too far from everywhere. i.e not way over the other side of town with only taxis to get home. Such a mood killer

8. If it's on a week night, no work the next day. And the boss doesn't just say that, s/he means that

9. It should be free

10. Good food. And by that, I mean food that fills you up, not canapes and mini things that look beautiful but leave you desperate for a bowl of Shreddies at the end of the night

11. Strategically placed mistletoe - you see it and can avoid it before someone/anyone launches themselves on you

12. A boss who dresses up in a funny outfit. A crushed velvet suit in lime green with a clashing shirt is a good choice. Purple if you're not so daring

13. Good music

14. People who don't work for the company. Stop all that boring talk about work

15. The invitation of everyone who works for the company - means a bigger possibility of something scandalous happening. And you get to talk to people you didn't even know existed because they/you don't come out of your office at any other time of the year

16. People dancing badly

17. Leaving while you're still having a good time

Hmm, will keep thinking, if I come up with anything more I'll add to the list.

How to really freak a cat out

2006-12-07T20:53:00.000Z

Let them sit in front the computer screen and then move the mouse from left to right, it's like Audi's watching a tennis match as he tracks the pointer! Might not work on all cats, Audi's a bit silly, tried to get in the oven earlier when I opened the door to get the lasagne out. Lmao, oh dear I'd better stop, he looks like he's going to attack the screen.

Newsflash

2006-12-06T19:44:00.000Z

I'm in the temp job from hell.

I'm pet-sitting a cat and a dog.

I'm working my way through the whole first season of 'My Name is Earl'.

That's it. End of news. Not really ready to flash naked parts on the web - unless I'm getting paid for it...

My four fav yt's at the mo

2006-12-06T19:22:00.000Z

Artist's block (fuck, Im screwed)

2006-11-29T22:35:00.000Z

Bloody netscape, just crashed on me when I was writing this so I've had to start over - grrrrrrr!

Anyway, to cut a long story short, it's a mate's birthday at the weekend, I was going to paint him some little canvases with his initial, the initial of his cat and the initial of his dog, but I haven't started it yet! The idea was to do an M in pastels for him, and A in orange and white for Audi the ginger cat and a S in browns for Stan the brown dog (obviously). I had it all planned out, in my head... but I haven't even started it, I'm bloody scared to in case I mess it up. I haven't even gotten the canvases - not been to the art shop, I've only got one big one upstairs, and that isn't going to cut it. But it'll have to do. It's too late to buy him something that will have meaning, and I agonize over present buying which is why I decided to paint him something. Aside from the whole meaning thing, if he doesn't like it and decides to bin it, it'll have only cost about a fiver to make. Sounds bad I know, but he's very particular about the stuff that he keeps in his flat.

I think half the reason I've not done it, or even started, is because I haven't picked up a brush or been near an opened tube of paint (well, except for the black and yellow ones that I stepped on, which then burst open and sprayed the inside of the paint bag like a bumblebee going down in a nature vs. shoe fight in August) since June:

To be quite frank, I know painting is supposed to be relaxing and meditative, but as in all things, I found (or made - your choice) it highly stressful trying to make the colours blend before the acrylic dried. By the time I finished painting this one (my third attempt), and decided that it looked ok and I was bloody proud of it (Yah boo sucks to you art teacher) I had to have a drink of water and a lie down.

Anyway, I suppose that I should just keep things simple, and do him a painting, not three. Just pick three colours and start slapping them about like I did with the blue one. I have thought about giving him this one, but he's seen it before and that would be a bit cheeky wouldn't it? Hmm...

I know there's probably some parallel in here with my ad work and copywriting and a moral too, but to be quite frank, I'm too tired and in need of nicotine to find it.

Ah, yes, the moral of the story is don't make presents, BUY THEM!

It's over now

2006-11-17T10:56:00.000Z

Last day in this temp job. Whoohoo. I lied and said I had a placement to go to, in truth I haven't got any work lined up for next week, I just didn't want to stay here. I'm having to have faith and hope that one of my agencies comes through for me, I guess I'm flying without wings, only I'm not a member of Westlife so I'm probably going to come crashing down and knock my front teeth out.

Head is all over the place at the moment, think it's going to be straight home for me after work - no messing around. Straight into bed, Radio 4 and then sleep. It's hardly interesting, or youthful stuff, but it's all I feel capable of right now.

I'm just too tired to carry on - they're not bad people, I've just had enough and I want out. Besides, I need to be working 5 days a week, not 3.

And it's only 10:59 and I want to eat my lunch. Must resist.

I want to crawl under my desk and go to sleep. Do you think anyone would protest? Or even notice? One of these days, instead of just saying it, I'm going to do it and to hell with office etiquette.

As often as I change my nail varnish

2006-11-15T17:26:00.000Z

Decided to give my blog a makeover. I'm definitely not an orange - it was too bright, and pissing me off. Back to blue. This is the best part of having a blog actually, being able to change the colours all the time. Hours of fun.

Do you reckon there's any way to do a Sony 'Paint' on a blog? I'm not skilled enough to figure out the answer.

It's been a wet willy of a day

2006-11-14T17:26:00.000Z

I'm so glad it's over, I surrender!

My hands were too fast

2006-11-14T15:39:00.000Z

I cut up my credit cards last week, but at the weekend I realised I needed one of them to get my fast track tickets at the station when I go up to Leeds for Christmas to stay with the ex-boyf. I emailed GNER and they said that I'd have to buy new tickets as mine are non-refundable and there's no other way to get hold of the tickets -the gits. I can't afford to do that so now, so if I can't get the CC company to reissue me the card with the same numbers and details, I'm going to have to spend Christmas at home, which means I'll have to be around family, I'll have to cook Christmas dinner, I'll have to play referee between my mum and my Gran, I won't get any nookie, I'll have to smoke outside in the cold and I'll go quietly insane. Argh!!!

It was scary but I did it

2006-11-10T12:58:00.000Z

I cut up all my credit cards last night. As soon as I'd snipped the last one, I was filled with worry - I have no money, what if something happens (and in my family 'something' happens often)? What if I get myself into a situation where I need to lay my hands on some money and I can't? Argh! I did realise though, that CCs are not money, they're just debt waiting to happen.

At long last, I have accepted my reality - I'm dirt poor, no more borrowed spending for me. It feels liberating, but very scary.

I might even have to give up smoking...
Oh God, that's too overwhelming, I'm going for a fag.

The things I remember

2006-11-08T09:30:00.000Z

I was sitting on the loo yesterday and suddenly remembered this little ditty:

Mummy, mummy, mummy
There's something in my nappy
It's big and brown
I can't sit down

Mix it up with wee wee
And make it nice and squeezy
It's running down my leggy
Like a boiled eggy
It's in my shoe
I think it's poo!

I must have learnt that when I was what, eight years old? And nearly 20 years later, I still remember it and get a kick out of the gross factor!

Some of my favourite adds of all time have been lyrics based ones. Anyone remember the milk 'cool for cats' rendition of the Squeeze song? I still remember most of the words for that:
My mum's down the bingo, and the old man's out of town
They said that I could party so I didn't mess around
Spot a little diamond in the corner on her own
The lads all try it on and then get their fuses blown
Then she eyes my bottle in a way that I condone
So while the party's raving I step in with some old chat
And let her have my pint of milk because it's cool for cats, it's cool for cats....

And then there was Irn Bru:
Don't you know it's not one of those ads?
Lots of kids with white teeth and giant shoulder pads
It's not a drink from those crazy yanks
Because it's made right here, and it's tougher than tanks
Made in Scotland from girders
Unpronouncable too!
Made in Scotland from girders
It's called Barr's, Irn Bru!?

I remember singing that on the way home from school journey - the whole coach in unison and the teachers just staring at us with their mouths open, then asking us to sing it again, and then again, just to make sure they'd heard what they'd thought they'd heard - the power of a bloody good ad.

Another favourite was the Le Crunch Bunch one for Granny Smiths, and it seems I'm not the only one who remembers that. It was based on the Bugsy Malone film by Alan Parker, which I love and even bastardized when I was in Japan for the charity show script I wrote - 'Frankie Cologne and the odorikotachi' (dancing girls) - on account of us having a ratio of 3:1 in favour of the boys.

Oooh, and the Sun Pat one:
Our son Pat
Is quite nifty with a bat
He can run in a circle
As fast as a cat
And when he gets peckish
He takes off his hat
Sun-packed,Fun-packed,Our son Pat
- I'll kill him when I get my hands on him!

I wasn't allowed to say that last line at home though - far too violent even if it was justified by the fact that Pat had just smashed a ball through the window.

Ah the good old days.

Inspiration for ads

2006-11-06T17:08:00.000Z

Laz has a great post on books to help get him a job, but what about non-industry sources?

For me a bus ride works pretty well. Or that weird time just before I fall asleep (it's like tripping). Staring at a blank piece of paper makes me want to scream and run away, but reading a brief and then immediately doing something else works best.

Where do creatives find inspiration? What rituals do you have before starting a new brief?

Adbook are wondering too.

Taking a break

2006-11-06T17:02:00.000Z

Angry calls from credit card companies (the bullies) over the weekend have made it clear that I need to find some proper work. So I'm going to hang around in Fulham or Islington a bit more...bag myself a rich footballer and take him for a ride. Ok, ok, I'm signing up with another two agencies this week, hoping to get some juicy temp positions from now until the New Year, otherwise I'm going to go under.

Going to leave off looking for another partner until the New Year as well - haven't got the head for that at the moment.

It's frustrating, but it's got to be done...

What a week

2006-11-03T16:51:00.000Z

Here's the short version:

Somebody saw my letter in campaign and on Tuesday offered me a place on a creative job assessment so long as I completed the brief and they liked what they saw. I only had about 1.5 hours and then totally ignored my friend while I sat in his house on his computer typing it up and sending it over.They liked it and so Wednesday was a 12 hour day doing three briefs with 10 other people, two with a different person each time and one on my own.
After a horrible X Factor moment - everyone being called in one by one to find out their fate, I didn't get the job. Told I had the right attitude, some great sparks but I need to concentrate on keeping things tight as I tend to wander off in many different directions and not come back. Wasn't bothered about not getting the job - it was a good learning experience, and met some really great people but thet last half hour of the day was absolutely horrible - watching everyone go in and come out successful/unsuccessful - that got to everyone. After a quick one at the pub I spent 50 mins waiting for a bus that doesn't run after 7:15pm (It was 8:45pm when I got to the bus stop), before finally getting home and collapsing into bed. Felt like someone had stuck a straw in my head and sucked all the energy out of me and then stuck ice cubes down my pants.

Been in with the Lawyers today and I actually had to do work - can you believe it? The cheek ;). Knackered and so will be leaving it here.

Many thanks to all those who left comments since Mon, will get my shit in gear for Monday coming and reply to y'all.

Have a fantastic weekend - I'm going to sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep.

xx

Wish I'd thought of this

2006-10-30T16:22:00.000Z

Amsterdam's awake

Look Ma, I'm published!

2006-10-30T16:10:00.000Z

Ok, it's not a billboard/TV/print ad, and I'm in two minds about whether to post it or not but I wrote a letter to Campaign magazine and they printed it. So, what you see below is the original text, unedited, and when I swap to a big enough bag I will bring the actual article into work, scan it and post it. I can always delete it later. Enjoy.

The Ad Industry’s Talent Crisis – a View from the Bottom.

Dear Editor,

I’m a copywriter trying to get a job in advertising and down here in junior Adland there’s a big fat barrier to entry and it’s far too high to climb over. After reading ‘Perspective’ and ‘Digital Talent Spotting’ (Campaign, 29 September), both of which reported on a talent shortage, I was extremely puzzled. If I had 20% of Sir Martin Sorrell’s salary for every time I’ve been told how hard it is to become a creative, I’d be sitting on the beach of an offshore tax haven sipping cocktails. Instead, I’m temping and living at home with my mum (who frequently startles me with shouts of “In the name of Jesus” whenever the Spirit takes her), all for a job in advertising.

I’ve been to university, spent two years teaching English in Japan, and I’ve travelled to eleven different countries. I’ve been a volunteer mentor, and I’m 27 years old. Does that sound like I want to work in the ad industry for a few years and then bugger off? I’m not fussy, I will do digital, BTL, TTL, and ATL – I want to do it all, press, billboards, online, TV, radio – the lot. I will work late, come in early, work weekends and not take holidays. I will do any training course you want me to, and I don’t know it all so I’m not going to act like I do. I’m willing to be wrong even when I think I’m right, I’m not afraid of making mistakes and am smart enough to learn from them. I may be talented but it’s not enough – I can’t learn to be great by myself. I don’t need an inflated salary (just enough to realistically live on in London) and I haven’t learnt any bad habits yet so you won’t have to waste time undoing any.

There isn’t a Readymix talent machine churning out creatives with 10 years of perfect award-winning experience, so something obviously has to give. Instead of shipping people in from abroad and setting up training schemes for 17/18 year olds and graduates (which will take years to come to fruition), invest in the talent that is already out there knocking on doors and leaving messages on voicemails, looking for jobs in advertising but being told ‘there’s no room at the inn’. Why are we finding it so hard to get in?

Am I missing something? Is there a secret initiation rite? If yes, I’m willing to do whatever it takes so please email me the details adwannabe@gmail.com. Is there some alternate dimension of Adland out there that I don’t know about where I should go to get experience? Will someone please tell me where to find it or give me a map? If you’ve got any briefs I could work on for my book, please send them to me. Any tips? I’m listening. Willing to volunteer five minutes of your time for a book crit? I’ll be there.

We juniors really aren’t that scary you know, and we’re not that expensive either. In the short term we’ll probably be a better deal than poaching your rival’s creative staff and in the long term we’ll provide a bridge across the gap, learning as we go along. A calculated risk? Perhaps, but we could be the solution you’re looking for; can you really afford to keep passing us over?

A P
Temp extraordinaire (but desperate for a job in advertising)
Mum’s house
SW15

I'm free!

2006-10-27T14:50:00.000+01:00

Sort of.
Met up with partner yesterday and we agreed to put things on the back burner until the new year. I need money to pay my bills and whatnot so I approached it from that POV and it paid off and she was completly understanding. She even said if we find other partners in the interim it's cool. Not that I wanted her to do all of the work, but there were two of us in this so if we sucked together it's down to the both of us, not just one or the other. It felt like a proper grown-up break up - there was no yelling and there weren't any tears.

So onwards and upwards I go. I have been contacting recruitment agencies, need to put my head down and get at least three months of guaranteed temp work or I am going to go under and in the meantime I will follow Stan's advice and revamp my portfolio. If anyone has any old briefs I can work on can you post them for me please? Thanks.

Saw someone we were on February D&AD with and he's not having much luck either. Another Adland casualty.

Back in for the Lawyers today, so far have not done a darned thing for them, just been sitting here applying for credit cards so I can shift my balances and playing a complicated game of 'transfer and pay before you get in trouble' with what little money I do have.

Looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to the clocks going back. Not bothered about the extra hour but I do like it to be light when I get up in the morning.

two and a half hours to go till hometime, knackered. Might have to go for a walk. If I crawled under my desk and had a nap, do you think people would mind?

Questions that keep me awake at night

2006-10-27T09:48:00.000+01:00

If chicken is chicken, fish is fish and lamb is lamb, why is pork a pig, beef a cow and venison a deer?

Just wondering.

Computer whinge

2006-10-26T10:25:00.000+01:00

Since my computer has been playing up for the last two months, I've been reduced to using my brother's old IBM thinkpad and I'd just like to say it's not a patch on my Toshiba Tecra. The keyboard is horrible and everything is in the wrong place and it's just clunky and nasty.

I guess I should make a concerted effort to get the thing fixed. I even bought it a brand new 80 gig hard drive but it still won't play with me. Stupid laptop.

Right, time to get dressed and head into town.

Have fun

Smear campaign

2006-10-25T14:02:00.000+01:00

Got this from a friend who shall remain nameless:

** Message **I think this is just a smear campaign...I'll get my coat...
** Train defecator hunted by police **A man who has caused £60,000 in damage and cleaning costs by defecating in trains is being hunted.< http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/fr/-/1/hi/england/6077464.stm >

I love the ending - "If anyone sees this man travelling on the railway network they should not approach him, but call the police or alert train staff immediately."

Why, is he going to shit on me?? Maybe he just needs some loo roll.

Rant alert II

2006-10-25T13:32:00.000+01:00

Why is it that every time I buy a new pair of trousers a hem unravels on the second wear. Why why why? Is there some garment factory conspiracy that I don't know about? Argh!

Rant alert

2006-10-25T10:20:00.000+01:00

You've been warned.

I'm at a crossroads. Do I continue with the advertising or not?

According to Dan Button, if you want a break in advertising you either need:

a) rich parents to support you
b) a rich girlfriend or boyfriend to support you
c) your parents live in london, so free rent
d) a parent in the industry
e) to be an all girl team
f) to give good head
g) to be prepared to take one for the team
h) to afford one portfolio per agency that magically update themselves with ideas
i) don't believe teams in charge of placements because their creative director will overide them (you've never got a placement/freelance/job until your foot's in the door)
j) to not be rubbish

My answers:

a) Nope
b) Nope
c) Yes they live in London, I live with my mum but not rent free
d) Nope
e) Yes, but it's not going so well. Besides which, From D&AD in February and the pages of Campaign. the only successful teams out there are man-man, so what does being a woman have to do with it?
f) Yes, though I'm not about to do that for a job
g) Erm, ok. Actually yeah I did, and I have a sneaky feeling it's why we didn't get on D&AD
h) Nope
i) Not been in that position yet but I do believe it
j) I'm not but I feel like I'm doing rubbish work with my partner, but what the hell do I know?

I really don't know what to do. Living at home is driving me nuts and I can't afford to move out and do advertising at the same time. Temping isn't a guaranteed income, but thankfully the council doesn't mind if I'm a few weeks late paying the rent - a landlord would. But my mum is driving me insane! If I want to move out advertising has to go on the shelf indefinitely.

Ad work - I really don't think my partner and I do good work together, but she's the first partner I've ever had. So what do I do? I'm not sure what to look for in a partner, and I really don't want to break it off with her (hate to be the bad guy) but I'm going to have to but then I'll have to start 'dating' again argh!

Scamp's view, 'what is the secret of a great creative partnership?'
The conventional view is it's:
1. Two people who get on well
2. Two people who have the same view of advertising
3. Two people who share the same goals
On the other hand, you could argue that the two members of a team should be very different. After all, if they think the same, why have two of them?

The cynical view is that a creative team consists of:
Two people, of whom only one can draw
or One thinker and one talker
or One writer and one pacer
or Two people called Matt & Phil, Matt & Steve, Matt & Pete, Pete & Steve, or Phil & Steve

1. Partner and I get on so so.
2. Nope.
3. Nope.

As to the cynical view:
1. Yup - I can't draw for shit. People laugh at my stick men, and my stick men laugh at me. That means that I get taken hostage - if I want her to draw something and she doesn't want to then I'm stuck. Any other copywriters have that problem?
2. I'm the thinker.
3. Definitely the writer, sometimes the pacer
3. Unfortunately this is something I can't do much about, unless I go in for gender reassignment surgery and that's not happening because I like being a woman so do I give up now?

So I guess my questions today are:

1. Advertising or move out?
2. Look for another partner or not?
3. How does anyone survive on placement money without having rich parents etc.?
4. How does anyone get their foot in the door long enough to get the rest of themselves in?
5. If I were to invent a questionnaire to help me look for a new partner, what should I put on it?
6. Is this really going to be worth it in the end?
7. I'm 27, can I stick living at home for two more years?
8. Is it ok to say 'It's not you, it's me' when you break up with someone creatively?
9. Where's the cheapest place to live in London?
10. I didn't have a tenth question, I just wanted to make it to 10.

Going off to sit in the corner and mutter to myself...

How much do I hate tidying up?

2006-10-24T10:31:00.000+01:00

Let me count the ways...

Only working three days this week so figured there was no excuse for not tidying up my hovel of a room but tidying drives me nuts and there's nothing worse than being halfway through and wanting to stop but because you've reached that point where it looks messier than it was to begin with you have to carry on. Can't stand it, sometimes I'm tidying and I'm thinking "who the hell made all this mess??? Oh yeah, me".

I wish I was anal retentive in terms of tidyness. I'm just not a tidy person. Clean yes, tidy no. Trying not to be a perfectionist about it, but there is some part of me that wants to see my room spotless and shiny, though I know the reality is that so long as there's a path from the door to the bed I'm cool. Lately it's been more like a mountaineering expedition and I've been injuring myself, hence the tidying up I'm doing right now. All I can say is thank God for CBBC and Radio 4, otherwise I'd be sitting on my bed looking at the mess and sighing and then I'd just go back to sleep.

Right, back into the fray...I've got about 10 minutes left of my alloted tidying up time and then it's time for a fag yay!

Have to admit to having found all the socks I thought had been stolen - tidying up isn't such a bad thing really, if only I could keep my room tidy-ish to begin with then I wouldn't have to spend so much time bloody cleaning it!

Right, since half the problem is clothes, I'm going to try to not hang my clothes up on the floor when I come in...see how long that lasts...

Sugar and IT

2006-10-23T12:36:00.000+01:00

Is there some link between the two? The IT guys who sit opposite my desk cluster seem to eat sweets, cakes, pastries etc. non stop throughout the day. And it isn't just one of them it's ALL of them. Does it make them work better? And they're all skinny, maybe I should write off to Heat magazine, let them know I've found another dumb diet they can use. They talk an awful lot too...
Hmm, perhaps I should buy some cakes for the legal people I'm working with. Unless it's to do with contracts, due diligence, or amendments, these people don't talk at all and I'm too chicken to break the silence.

No D&AD for me :(

2006-10-23T12:35:00.000+01:00

Ah well, there's always next year.

Sunday Night at the Movies

2006-10-20T10:26:00.000+01:00

Picture a night out with your parents. Are you shuddering? Not exactly top of your favourite things to do is it?

My Dad and I went to see ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ Sunday night before last. We were to meet at 8:15pm but at 7:35pm he phones – he’s already arrived, typical Dad. Not just on time, extra on time. Thankfully I’m sitting in a coffee shop nearby having spent the whole of Sunday doing some ad work, but my stress levels are now up to 3/10 with the thought of an extra 25 minutes of unplanned-for, one-to-one time with my 69 year old father – it was only supposed to be 15; I tell him to come over.
Upon arrival he sits down and puts a half-empty plastic milk carton down on the table. “Are you drinking that?” I ask, “Only it looks a bit off” to which my Dad replies “No, it’s for my urine, you know with my prostate I can’t afford to get caught out”. Horrified, stress levels now approaching Heart Attack Imminent, I plead “Dad, please don’t use that while I’m around, ok? Use the loo”.

After some chit chat – the weather, diet, clothes, travel and one or two questions about how to order a drink in a coffee shop – we head over to the cinema, Dad doing a waltz with some joggers before putting his milk carton in the bin (Thank God).

As you would a child, I firmly remind him to go to the toilet before we sit down and on our way in to the screen I overhear a fellow comrade in battle.
Woman asks “Where are we going to sit?”
Daughter, hissing through clenched teeth, “We’ve already been assigned seats Mum!”

As we sit waiting for the film to start, Dad eyes up every female walking past – he doesn’t discriminate – over the top of his sunglasses; I keep my eyes firmly forward. Finally, in the dark, I start to calm down and we discuss the upcoming films dividing them into ‘want to see/not for me’.
“Oh dear,” he says, just before the film starts, “I don’t think I’m going to be able to stay awake for this”. I’m not surprised, Saturday nights my Dad goes clubbing in Leicester Square. Sure enough, and rather sweetly, he fights with the sandman. Half an hour before the end, it’s all been too much. Rather than have him wait for me I tell him to go home and go to bed, the poor thing.

Boarding my second bus on the way home, I sit down and then think I hear my Dad shouting my name. I turn around and there he is, as he’s taken the long way home I’ve caught up to him. I get off at my stop and blow him a kiss goodbye realising that although my parents will always stress me out – doesn’t matter how old I get, at 27 I can handle that stress a lot better than I could at 17, and for that I’m truly grateful and relieved.

What have you done today?

2006-10-18T15:32:00.000+01:00

Do you want to know what I've done today??
- For the Lawyers I'm temping for: shred about 15 pages of a document - 30 secs max.
- For myself: spent the rest of my time editing and proofing a screenplay for my cousin - something I normally do for free - and the Lawyers are paying me for it. Nice work if you can get it eh?

Normally, as a temp I whinge about not having enough to do because I like to be kept busy. I'm keeping my mouth shut on this one, it's great!

Why advertising?

2006-10-18T15:15:00.000+01:00

- Sometimes the best thing on the TV is the ads.

- I've heard it's the most amount of fun you can have with your clothes on, and since I haven't had any fun with my clothes off for a while...

- There's some weird stuff running around in my head, it seems to make good ads.

- I can't do corporate.

- I don't want to have to wear a suit to work every day.

- I need something creative to do otherwise I go barmy - a fact I proved to be true by working in an admin job for two years, I went nuts.

- I prefer to work on lots of different things rather than solely on one and the more thinking I get to do the better.

- There are so many great ads out there and I'm always thinking "How the hell did they come up with that? I want to do that".

- There are so many crap ads out there that I'm always thinking "I can do better than that".

- I love thinking up ideas - it's like telling a story.

- I love to write, and as I see it, fiction writing is nothing but good lies, so I'd love to be paid to embroider the truth or just tell it like it is - not bothered which.

- I read anything and everything. I'd like to make sure that there's always interesting stuff to read. WKD tube ad anyone? Sucked like hell. Someone, somewhere has got to do better than that and why not me?

- Didn't have a TV at home from the ages of 8-11, spent a lot of time reading and developing an overactive imagination and need to put it to good use.

- Dad was postman, mum a secretary, younger bro is probably off to join the Navy next year, older bro and sis are people of leisure. Someone needs to besmirch the family name...

- When I did D&AD in February, it was the most fun I'd had in ages. If I had to get up and do that kind of stuff everyday, going to work would be a doddle.

- I don't tend to remember lengthy quotes, poems and passages from books, I remember taglines and slogans and always have done. I'd like to write something that memorable.

Still thinking...

I'm outta here

2006-10-13T17:28:00.001+01:00

Have a great weekend.

The etiquette of eating lunch at your desk in an open plan office

2006-10-13T14:21:00.000+01:00

Are crisps allowed? I always feel like I'm being extra noisy when I eat them...

Advertising creatives, where are you? Don't be shy

2006-10-13T13:15:00.000+01:00

In the past week I've scoured the internet looking for blogs by creatives, but I haven't found very many. In fact, the biggest ad presence on the net by far is that of Account Planners. They even go out to coffee together! I'm in awe of their levels of communication and organisation.

Where is everyone? If you're a creative stand up and be counted.

Gosh I'm bored

2006-10-13T12:49:00.000+01:00

Currently temping for some Lawyers in the West End. Small branch of a company that's based overseas and in the past two weeks I reckon I've done about 4 days work max. Most of the time I'm getting paid to sit and do nothing. I'm not going to complain too much though since what they gave me to do yesterday involved photocopies, scissors and sellotape and it wasn't fun. Sometimes I sit there and think "is this the best you've got to give me? I can do more than this! ". But it's been a nice break since the booking I had before was mega busy and I didn't have a minute to myself, and life has been nuts of late, what with D&AD.

Here's a thought though, if I were to hire a temp I would work 'em into the ground to get my money's worth. If you don't give us enough to do, when you finally do start handing over work of course we're going to be all "you want me to work???? I don't think so". I start to get resentful when my blogging or book reading gets interrupted. Still, it's Friday and it hasn't been too bad.

Time for a loo and fag break.

x

Things I never do in the morning

2006-10-13T11:49:00.000+01:00

1. Ride on the bus without my mp3 player. The times I've forgotten to charge it and it's cut out on me meaning I've had to sit and listen to everyone yakking on their mobile phones, kids arguing (especially the French school kids) has driven me mad.

2. Play chicken with the traffic. I'm not really awake until about half past 9 and I don't have a death wish, so I'd rather patiently wait till the lights are mine before crossing the road.

3. Run for a bus or a train. I'm only going to work, I'm not saving the world, no one is going to die if I'm a few minutes late, so I don't see the point. Besides, I don't want to get all hot and sweaty (makeup should be put on once for the day), and you look like a prize idiot if you miss the thing.

4. Hassle the bus driver to let me off the bus before the stop - why bother? He gets arsey, you get arsey, everyone else gets arsey - too much emotion going on before 9:30am for me.

5. Do my makeup on the bus - that's valuable sleeping time. I've gotten sleeping on the bus down to a T now, I don't even drool anymore!

6. Attempt to do anything remotely important until 10am in the morning. I'm only going to make mistakes.

It's all about me

2006-10-13T11:19:00.000+01:00

I always go searching on other people's blogs to see what their first couple of posts were about, and I never really find what I'm looking for. I want to know why people are blogging, what they do and why they do it, but now that it's come to doing it for my own blog, I can't be arsed...

Whoops

2006-10-12T14:20:00.000+01:00

Guess who left the house without a bra on today and has only just realised? I did think I was hanging a bit loose this morning, now I know why...

What's in a name?

2006-10-11T15:39:00.000+01:00

I really don't know what to call myself on here. I'm not entirely sure where the onewomanrunning thing comes from either. I am a woman, but I hate running. In particular I hate jogging - it freaks me out.

So that's the name for now. When I think of something better, I'll change it. Until then, answers on a postcard please.

Wednesday afternoons...

2006-10-11T15:27:00.000+01:00

I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm really really bored.
And the whole world has to listen to this cos I said so - I'M BORED!!!

Can you name that tune?

Greetings

2006-10-05T16:39:00.000+01:00

Fake it until you make it

Rumble in Woolies

Awesome pussycat

I'm going on a bear hunt.

Chinese Cheese Army

SOS. Those really hard decisions you don't want to make.

Mobile Post Office.

Dual Diagnosis

What do you stand for?

Rant long overdue

A Big, Bad "I said NO!"

Stupid or wily?

Snap!

Big Smile

Are you really sleeping or are you on pause?

You write crap!

This just in...

Gon' party like it's your birthday

Not quite 20 questions.

I saw it, I swear I did

The quickest way to hell

Bagel Bother

Defender of the Universe

The Great British Summer

Coming up for air

Coffee Not Not

Coffee

Coffee

I'm back with the Lawyers

Coffee anyone?

Borat

I'm hit! I'm hit! Again!

Ip, dip, dog ...

Withdrawal

What makes a good Christmas party?

How to really freak a cat out

Newsflash

My four fav yt's at the mo

Artist's block (fuck, Im screwed)

It's over now

As often as I change my nail varnish

It's been a wet willy of a day

My hands were too fast

It was scary but I did it

The things I remember

Inspiration for ads

Taking a break

What a week

Sponsored Google link of doom

Wish I'd thought of this

Look Ma, I'm published!

I'm free!

Questions that keep me awake at night

Computer whinge

Smear campaign

Rant alert II

Rant alert

How much do I hate tidying up?

Sugar and IT

No D&AD for me :(

Sunday Night at the Movies

What have you done today?

Why advertising?

I'm outta here

The etiquette of eating lunch at your desk in an open plan office

Advertising creatives, where are you? Don't be shy

Gosh I'm bored

Things I never do in the morning

It's all about me

Whoops

What's in a name?

Wednesday afternoons...

Greetings